


The Greatest Loss

by TheThinWhiteDude



Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: F/M, If you ship it you're going to be upset, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-04
Updated: 2017-05-04
Packaged: 2018-10-27 21:52:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10817478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheThinWhiteDude/pseuds/TheThinWhiteDude
Summary: There's no greater loss than the loss of what could have been.





	The Greatest Loss

**Author's Note:**

> IMPORTANT!!!!! Listen to this song when she gets to Jack's office, it'll make it 800 times sadder (or repeatedly during the fic)  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1a4uZA58nY

When Nisha got back to Helios for the first time in months, she’d noticed something had seriously changed. She hadn’t heard the news yet, the brunette just knew that the Warrior hadn’t cleansed Pandora like Jack had planned. She also knew she survived the vault hunters’ attack (somehow) and that Jack wasn’t answering his communicator. It wasn’t uncommon, but for some reason, it struck her as something to worry about. 

The sheriff herself had been preoccupied in the few months she’d been absent from Lynchwood, holed up by herself in a cave for the first couple weeks, nearly dead. After the attack on her posse, she’d staggered away to a hiding spot from the skags while she intended to have herself a short rest. She was bloody and didn’t have a health vial with her, and of course, she was a little ways out from a functioning Zed machine. She’d just wait until she got her energy back and go for the small town. 

Nisha wasn’t in any condition to fight. After her shield drained, she’d taken a few bullets to her right arm, and found it difficult to use it, let alone fire a gun. She had her left, and she wasn’t unskilled, but she was out of ammunition regardless. During her little rest, though, some skag pup and his mother came along, catching onto the scent and trail of her blood, and she ended up taking more damage in her arm while in the process of bashing the mother’s brains in with the butt of her pistol. The pup ran away, and the woman passed out shortly after.

When she woke up, she felt unbearably hot, and she couldn’t move her arm. The flesh around the bullet holes was red and irritated, turning shades of purple and yellow. There was a pussy crust that was filling in the holes, and the smell was awful. She had no idea how long she’d been out for, but clearly she had a very bad infection. She’d lost a considerable amount of blood, too, and beyond that, she was dehydrated. This was something a health vial couldn’t fix, it was too late for her arm. 

It took a considerable amount of time crawling on the cool floor of the damp cave she was hiding in to find something sharp enough to do the job, and when she did, she had to take off her coat and tear it into strips. A thicker, wider section was used to tie off her arm right under her armpit, and while it was awkward to do with her mouth and her teeth, it was even more challenging by the weakness in her body, the shaking and the way her vision didn’t want to focus completely. Before she’d even gotten to the painful part, she passed out again.

It was morning when she woke up, and she felt even worse. She knew she needed to get this done, so without hesitation, she took the knife she’d found on the floor of the cave and began cutting into her upper arm somewhat sloppily with her left hand. It was painful, agonizing, and the infected flesh burned hot against her hand while the warm blood pooled under the knife and ran down her side, as well as the rest of the arm, colouring it a deep red and filling the cave with the stink of it. She ended up vomiting halfway though, and sure enough, there were traces of blood in what little her body allowed her to expel. 

The worst part had to be cutting through the tendons and pulling the arm itself off to reveal a bloody stump, some flesh clinging to the end of the ball joint in her shoulder. Nisha was heaving and crying by now, suffering something fierce. Never in her fever deluded mind did she think to call for help, not that she had her ECHO communicator, or wanted to risk leaving the (relative) safety of her cave to retrieve it. 

Following the removal of her arm was the (easily deemed) second worst part. Thank God Nisha kept a lighter with her. She flicked the thing with her thumb and held the handle of the knife in her mouth, bringing the flame up to greet it. The burning off of the blood remains she couldn’t get off on her pant leg made her gag again, and when she felt the metal was suitably hot, she pressed the flat side of the blade to her stump, screaming and struggling not to pull the hot metal away. The stench of burning flesh was worse than blood, but she needed to cauterize the wound. It was amazing she wasn’t dead yet. After the process was said and done, there was another pass out. There was no energy left in her tired, feverish body and the blood she’d lost was really taking it’s toll. At least she wasn’t bleeding anymore. 

By the time Nisha got out of the cave and into the relative safety of Lynchwood, she had to lock herself away in her office in secret. She had health vials she could use to heal herself, and she did so immediately. At least this was able to help now. Even getting home with one arm would be a struggle, she’d need to find a better way about this. For now, she just wanted to enjoy her temporary quiet and have an actual meal, reload her pistol, restore her ammo supply, and figure out how she’d get out of her own town safely now that bandits had taken over. She couldn’t call Jack. Not yet. 

Part of the woman was ashamed to admit the situation, and the other part was afraid something bad had happened to him in the time she’d been gone. She didn’t want to know yet, so she didn’t look. Instead, she stuck to moving from town to old town until she found one with a cybernetics maker. They were old and clunky, but the man promised to give her a good, functioning right arm again so long as the sheriff paid. That was good enough for her. He had a partner he called in to help, a young man who insisted he was a surgeon and who said he would clean up her stump to create a suitable base for the prosthetic, install the base, and then following, a cybernetics port. 

The procedure itself was about fifteen thousand, not horrible, considering the stash of money she’d taken (either stolen from bandits she’d killed or given to her by her boyfriend), so she didn’t feel bad about paying for it. She’d taken twenty eight with her, after all. She’d be alright for a while. It put her out of commission for a month or so, and she’d spent her stay with the pair, both of which were relatively normal for Pandorans. She’d learned about her new arm, basic maintenance, how to use her port (which was placed carefully in her neck, just above the arm), and, well, it worked, surprisingly. It was an old Hyperion arm, so it was gaudy and yellow, and it reminded her of Jack. 

Jack. Handsome Jack. Hyperion CEO, Vault Hunter, her boyfriend. She hadn’t seen him since at least two months before the vault hunters’ attack. Both of them were busy, with constantly conflicting schedules, and Nisha hadn’t really had the chance to visit him on Helios lately. Finally, she steeled her backbone and made the call. He didn’t pick up the first time. Or the time after that. Not for the next couple days, either. So, she contacted a requisitions manager, a woman named Yvette, and requested herself a shuttle back to Helios. It wasn’t hard, she was, after all, considered a Hyperion employee, a precaution Jack had taken to make sure she always had a way back to the space station.

The woman was suspicious at first, but once she got the scan of the badge, and realized that this brunette had high clearance, high enough to get her to Handsome Jack’s office with ease, the request went through, and a couple hours later, she was leaving Pandora. The seats were comfortable, and the view was oddly breath taking this time. The twinkling stars, the mix of colours, Elpis glowing bright behind Helios. It felt oddly like coming home, and a weight was lifting from her chest. 

Nisha’s first steps on the station were slightly unsteady. She wasn’t used to the lack of gravity before actually entering the station. At least the guards seemed to recognize her. The sheriff walked into the station and of course, first she had to speak to the desk people, go through the turnstiles, before going in any further. She flashed her badge, and when the woman asked the sheriff her reason for visiting Helios today politely, Nisha simply stated she was there to see Handsome Jack. The woman tried to stop her, to say something, but the brunette kept her walk fast paced as she made her way to the elevators.

The ride to the top earned her a lot of nervous stares. She was wearing her white jeans and some black boots, with her tank top and a clean, violet leather jacket. Her hair was cut into a shorter pixie with her smooth, long fringe, a shorter version of something she’d worn in her earlier years. It made her look mature, and it fell beautifully around her face. Stunning, of course she was, but she didn’t look like your typical Helios business person, either, so the fact that she got her ride to the top must have seemed strange, even more so by the gun holster on her hip and the shield on the side of her thigh. 

When she stepped out, her body was almost fast walking to the office doors, before noticing a red rope and a man in Hyperion military wear standing by the door. Her brows furrowed when she saw him, fishing out her badge again and strutting to the doors. 

“Excuse me, Ma’am, if you’re here for the tour, please wait for your guide. She’ll be with you shortly-”

“No, I’m here to see Jack. Nisha Kadam. I’m the sheriff of Lynchwood, Hyperion territory on Pandora and-”

“Very funny. Here to see Handsome Jack, huh? Got an ID Badge?”

“Here.” Impatiently, she thrusted it into his hands before starting towards the door, stepping over the rope before his hand caught her cybernetic arm. In an instant, she had her pistol drawn and the barrel pressed to his forehead. She wore a mean glare, and his own face was almost startled, before growing cold and looking the badge over, still holding her strong.

“Look, this looks legit, but Jack hasn’t seen anyone in months. How long ago did he schedule this?”

“He didn’t- look, what the fuck do you mean he hasn’t seen anyone in months? I’m his girlfriend, this shit isn’t business, okay?”

“You’re his girlfriend but you didn’t know he died?”

The words stopped time, stopped her dead in her tracks. Her heart seemed to stop in her chest, and the exhale of breath was all at once, like she’d been winded. The guard saw her gold eye go wide, and slowly, her arm lowered the gun. Almost delicately, he returned the plastic card to the arm he was holding, and withdrew his own hand shortly after. When she breathed again, it was shaky, and her voice was uneven.

“What do you mean he died? When? How the fuck-”

“The vault hunters. They killed his girlfriend, then his daughter, and then Handsome Jack him-”

“But I’m not dead! You saw my badge! I’m Nisha! I’m his girlfriend!”

“Well, it made him mad that they killed you. He announced it to any employees who might be brave enough to go try and kill those bastards.”

“But… His daughter?”

“Yeah, apparently they murdered her.”

“But what… What about Jackie? How did they-”

“He was so mad he went down there to handle them himself. Got the Vault open with some Siren bitch named Lilith and they killed the thing. Warrior, I think it was called. Look, how did you NOT know?”

“I lost an arm and almost fucking died! I wasn’t… I didn’t know...”

There was something that clearly snapped in her, she wasn’t angry like she had seemed before. Instead, she seemed shocked, and when she looked to the office doors, almost desperate. The guard sighed and nodded towards it. Her steps were shaky but again, almost running to get her into the office. She hoped this was some sort of joke. Some cruel joke, and Jack would come out from behind his chair like he always does, with his dumb smirking grin and his ‘Nisha, Baby! God, I missed you!’

But when the doors opened, she stepped into a dark room, empty and cold. There wasn’t dust, but apparently they’d been using it as an exhibit, so it couldn’t be too surprising. Slowly, her legs carried her to his office, placed her hands on the wooden surface in an unsure way, before her legs gave out unexpectedly. This couldn’t have been real. Jack isn’t the kind of guy to just die. He’s strong, arrogant, cocky, angry, prideful. He doesn’t JUST DIE. Her lips were quivering, and she felt an unfamiliar sting in her eyes. Her breathing was hitching, and before Nisha knew it, tears were running down her cheeks, somewhat surprising herself. 

Nisha Kadam didn’t cry, in the same way Handsome Jack doesn’t die. But there she was, on her knees, hands pressed to the front of the desk, her forehead pressed to the surface, surely mourning. This had to be a day of miracles. Sad, awful miracles. Her body was shaking, racked with desperate sobs as she silently pleaded for this to be a joke. Sure, she’d be mad but it would be a hell of a lot better than being alone. After a few minutes like that, she rose to her feet, arms wrapping around herself as she looked out of the window, behind his desk. Elpis shone brightly, almost mocking her. It knew before she did, the planet she’d really first gotten acquainted with Jack on, the thing that brought them together. 

The woman started around the desk, pulling the biggest, bottom drawer opened and pulled out a soft yellow blanket. Something Jack kept in his office for when he’d rather nap than work. They had days together like that. She’d sat on the couch with his head on her chest, playing with his hair and running her fingernails along his scalp. It was times like that, their quiet intimate moments that made her realize that she fucking loved this dumb ass CEO. She’d never let anyone in, never got close to other people. It was easier that way. But Jack was the one who was so much like her, so explosively angry, so traumatized by the past and unable to move on in a weird way that he connected with her, became a part of her.

Sure, most people would argue Nisha had been a bigger part of Jack, considering how much he loathed her absence and how clingy he got, but Nisha liked it secretly, adored the man even more. He grew on her and gave her a love in her heart that she tried to reject her whole life. Nisha loved Jack more than she’d ever loved another living being, their three years together assured her of that. 

That must have been what left her hurting and breathless with sobs. The guard in the doorway stopped watching the woman intruding upon Jack’s office to turn away and start out into the hall. The doors closed behind him. He made a few calls to cancel the tours for the day, something about important business being conducted in the room, and allowed Nisha her privacy. He’d scanned the badge. She had executive clearance, and as far as he was concerned, the mourning girlfriend deserved all the time she needed. 

Slowly, the woman shrugged off her coat and wrapped the blanket around her shoulders, before starting through the drawers again. Nisha had no idea what she hoped to accomplish by doing this, but maybe she’d find some hint that he was okay somewhere, hiding like she was. There was a bag of pretzels, paperwork, things “to be filed under”, and a few photographs. She pulled them out and looked them over, a new round of tears slipping out. No smile reached her lips, it hurt too bad for one to find it’s way to her face. There was one of her, Jack, Tim, and Wilhelm, all on Elpis, one of a trip they had taken to Aquator, and several of her and Jack that he’d taken in their office. Her heart ached.

Another drawer was piled full of guns, and the last one she looked in had a bottle of champagne, with two glasses and a small velvet box. Under the box and bottle, which had presumably been meant to be hidden, was an envelope. The thing was addressed to her, with his big looping script on the outside in black ink. “To Nish”. She didn’t want to open it, to hurt more, but the compulsive curiosity and the need to be sated overrode her emotions, and she gently opened the letter, pulling out a letter inside. Her eyes scanned the page and had a hard time making out the words being blurred by tears.

“Dear Nisha,

It’s Jack, but you know that. I know you’re not huge on that whole commitment thing, but I want to marry you one day. I’ve given you this now because I’m ready. Ready to officially start my new life with you. I love you a lot, you know that. You’re not like my other wives or girlfriends. You don’t want things, you just like being around me, Hell, you don’t even mind my face without the mask. If you can call me handsome that honestly out of it, then you can probably put up with me at my worst. 

I know we both have had a lot of problems we’ve had to work though, and I feel a bright, electric connection to you that makes me need you like air. I hate it when you’re gone, I’d love for you to live on Helios with me, but I know better. You like your freedom. I’m always happiest when you come home, though, Baby, and I’d kill to have you with me all the time. Like when we get to lay on the couch, or go on vacation and mess around.

Remember that time we banged on my desk? That may sound dumb, but that’s when I knew you were the one, after. The glow of Elpis on your face, the look in your eyes, the way you moved and even just breathed, the way your lips curled into a smile and you laughed at me. I loved you then, and I love you now. Even when we fight and have killer hate sex, okay, that’s awesome too. I like getting all those stinging scratch marks on my back, even if I’m not as young as I used to be. Even if I bitch at you in the mornings. 

Nisha, Baby, I want you to be my forever. I have a ring, too. Ask me about it when you’re ready. It took months to find something I thought was fitting for you, but it’s unique, a diamond from the rough, just like you. I needed time to know it was the one. But I think you’ll like it, too, God I hope so. I love you more than I’ve ever loved almost anything, and God, please tell me you feel the same way. You know I’m not good at this type of shit, that’s why I’ve been putting it off and all, why I wrote this dumb thing. 

Please say yes.   
Sincerely, your future (hopefully) husband,  
Jack”

Teardrops hit the page, and in a despairing motion, Nisha dropped the page to the desk, covering her face with her hands and trying to hide herself away. Jack wanted to marry her. She could have been his wife. Would have been. She was too late, gone too much. It felt like she was breaking apart on the inside, falling to pieces between incredibly shallow gasps for air. The box was staring her down from the drawer the second she pulled her palms away. One trembling hand reached out and felt the soft fabric on the outside of the box on her fingertips. They struggled to grip it properly, but when she took the box out, her metal hand was the hand that opened the case. 

It fell to the desk when she saw the contents. A diamond and opal set together on a gold band, the pieces seeming to swirl together, surrounded by black onyx. It was beautiful, definitely unique, but so Jack in the way that it screamed, “Hey, look, I have money!” A bitter laugh sneaked out between the cries, and her arms hugged her body tighter, trying to calm the tears, the sadness, the deep pit in her stomach that felt like it would never go away. After a few nervous minutes, Nisha slid the ring onto her ring finger, on her left hand, of course, and dropped her head to choke out a “yes”.

In Jack’s chair, when she took a seat, she was finally able to relax. Likely due to the dopamine injectors. She fell asleep like that, wrapped up in Jack’s blanket, seated at his desk like she belonged there. If anyone approached her in this moment, she’d shoot them and deal with it later. Her dreams were about her and Jack, of course, and their wedding. The wedding that could have been. Big, beautiful, on Aquator and still relatively private. 

In her dreams, there weren’t any pieces of her life missing. Nisha could have all of herself together again, she could have Jack again. Just for a little while.


End file.
